I finally got in the shower at about 8:45 tonight.
I had been meaning to take a shower all day, but, you know, I was busy.
And I didn't feel good, I have some sort of icky cold.
It's the same thing that made my 2 year old daughter sound like an 82 year old Jewish woman for the past few days.
It was pretty hilarious. Especially when she said things like, "You joking me?" and "I don't think so!" and "I not gonna do that."
... back to the shower...
As I was standing in the searing hot water and not feeling guilty, I started thinking about how nice it was and then about the last time I took a shower...
And I thought.
And thought.
And thought.
It went something like this:
"It wasn't yesterday. Nope. Because I know I didn't get my hair wet yesterday. Or did I? No, yesterday was the day I went to the post office with a thousand things to mail and a baby stroller with a bum wheel. And I know my hair was a mess, which means I didn't get it wet, which means I didn't take a shower. So not yesterday.
Ok, then it must have been the day before.
Yeah. Sunday. For sure it was Sunday. Wait.
What happened Sunday?
Nothing. That's right. The Hubby was home and we did nothing all day. All day. We even ordered pizza and I picked it up in my pjs. Which means I was in them all day, which means no shower. Wow, classy. Impressive. Jeez you slob... (sigh) so not Sunday.
Ok, then it had to be Saturday.
For sure.
Because it would be gross if... what did we do?
I know we did something.
Oh yeah. We went out (rare) which means I had to take a shower to do my hair. Right?
Wait.
I don't remember blow-drying my hair. Did I? No. But I looked cute. (smile). Yeah, I wore those cute boots with my skinny jeans. (smile again). How was my hair? Cute. (smile) Because I remember just curling my hair when it was all kinky from a braid. And...it...was...dry.
Which means...."
And then there was this strange and awkward silence inside my head.
I even stopped shampooing.
It was a very, very sad situation.
It was like I wasn't allowing myself to go on any farther because I knew what that would mean.
It would mean that I hadn't taken a shower in... NO! Nah. But...pfshhhh.
See, I can't do it. I can't say it.
"Because only gross people can't remember the last time they took a shower. And I'm not gross.
I am NOT gross..."
(this was another very long, contemplative, sad pause)
And that's when my nice scalding hot shower turned into a seriously depressing realization... so welcome to my shower.
Hope you enjoyed it.
Oh, and for the record I am NOT gross...
Showers are overrated anyways.
I mean, Europeans don't shower every day.
Showering every day wastes water anyway.
AND, it's not good for your hair to wash it every day. So there.
Eat that.
But, really. Somebody please, PLEASE, tell me this happens to them too. Please. Please.
please
